Back through the wardrobe
On Ayaan Hirsi Ali's conversion to Christianity
2 years ago, famed ex-Muslim Ayaan Hirsi Ali decided to become a Christian. She wanted to withstand progressivism and atheism just wasn’t cutting it. She’s calling the Almighty back for one last job.
First, some context. Hirsi Ali converted from strict islam to atheism and was close to the New Atheists and later the Intellectual Dark Web (Joe Rogan, Jordan Peterson, Sam Harris, etc). Recently she's converted to Christianity, saying that only Christian values are strong enough to defend against the harmful pull of Islam. You can read more on her wikipedia page.
I used to be an evangelical and am currently something of a agnostic/atheist/rationalist/EA. So I feel a lot of things:
It seems she wants orthodoxy and I empathise. When I was a Christian there was a safety and and security. It was a stable enquilibrium and a position of strength. My agnosticism is more fluid - a constant negotiation. And I can feel the gravity of more certain positions pulling me in. In quiet moments I feel a temptation to return orthodoxy, whether Evangelicalism or zealous progressivism, to pick a party, to know the answers. I do not endorse this, but like old Bilbo Baggins, sometimes I toy with the ring. _why not?_
She can't bear progressivism whereas I'm on the fence. Progressivism can be annoying but there have been a lot of genuine gains. When I think of a past with constant racism and women not being able to vote that seems obviously worse to me. Heck, when I think of things people I know did at uni1 am I am glad we have left that time. Hirsi Ali seems to me to bet that a 'solution' is needed for progressivism. I'm not sure that's the case, the post-Trump vibe shift seems like it will do most of that work.
I too am tired of the heterodox. I have my issues with orthodoxy, but blanket heterodoxy isn't better. Where the orthodox do awful things to protect the tribe, heterodox communities often accept anything. No lines, no limits, and a race to the bottom. Sometimes I feel like shaking their shoulders and saying “Can we not agree that some things are bad?”2. I know we all fear being thrown into the outer darkness of social ostracism, but that doesn't mean that all behaviours are praiseworthy. I can accept ugly parts of myself without endorsing them - sometimes I behave badly and some behaviours are unacceptable.
The heterodox Intellectual Dark Web seems to have significantly gone off the rails. Peterson had a drug overdose and went missing in Russia for a bit. Bret Weinstein thinks maybe HIV doesn’t AIDS. Candace Owens gives off the biggest grift energy I've ever seen. I used to have a fondness for the IDW but even then I was wary. Now they are a circus. If I had been part of that community, I might look longingly at religion too3.
I am tired of being alone. Recently a progressive friend was deeply upset with me because I said Richard Hanania wasn't necessarily beyond the pale4 (article below). I had said that he had created harm and value and that we should weigh the two. But my friend said that this was pushing us apart. This will be news to the people who think it's unfair when I pointed out Hanania's divisive comments. My stance manages to annoy both parties, not toeing the progressive party line and nor engaging true judgementless 'free speech'5. There are many issues I take flack for in this regard. It gets exhausting after a time.
I too search for something better - it has been hard to find an island of stability in the void beyond religion and strict progressivism. Somewhere that bans things if and only if they are harmful, that allows free speech without revelling in edgelordism. Somewhere where one can say things that are uncomfortable but true, but doesn't feel the need to do so every single second.
I can't speak for Hirsi Ali, but I am tempted to embrace the least worst set of ideas out there. Sometimes being in charge gets tiring and you want to submit and get the acceptance that comes from submission6. For Hirsi Ali, Christianity seems the lesser evil - perhaps she has wandered for a long time and she is tired and wishes to defend a position of strength, not just for herself, but for others who respect her. Perahps Christianity is a strong tower, with deep foundations. A place to defend and rebuild. Perhaps she sees herself fighting a virus - a set of beliefs that takes over the communities she seeks to build and using her friends against her. In that world, perhaps one would be happy to ally with some strange friends. (Though, again, for me we aren't in that world - progressivism just isn't that bad.)
I feel let down though. Have we really tried to build something better? It's been about 15 years since the fall of Christianity in the West. Is the game really up? What about New Liberalism, Rationality, Effective Altruism, a slightly more chill progressivism (which we'll probably get), or an actual new Liberalism. There seem many places to build something without returning to the old gods.
In her she writes about losing ground to Russia, China, Islam and wokeness. Wokeness maybe, but on the other three, I don't see it. Russia and seems to me to be the weakest they've been in years. Islam and China I'm uncertain of, but the US is energy independent and perhaps these days I’m uncertain about Trump, but that’s not progressivism’s fault. Until recently, the US was stronger than ever7.
Conclusion
For me, conservative Christianity just isn't the one to pick. Jesus almost certainly didn't do miracles. The Bible is overworked and contradictory. And if Christianity is so great, why did it lose its grip on culture in the first place?
Ali writes:
all sorts of apparently secular freedoms — of the market, of conscience and of the press — find their roots in Christianity
Sure, I agree that Liberalism is a Christian heresy, but most new things are an offshoot of something old. Why not just celebrate these things and keep moving forward?
I wish Hirsi Ali well and respect what was probably a costly move for her8 it was hard. I am curious what she finds9.
I recall guys on my Corridor ripping the towels off girls as they went back to their rooms, as well as the expectation that older students would try to get freshers drunk so they could sleep with them. At the time, I was a conservative Christian so I thought this bad. Feels surreal though how different the world is now.
I once went to a “cancellable views” event and was the only person who thought that any views ever deserved cancellation. I dunno man, I think public figures shouldn’t be Nazis or Communists. Encouraging pedophilia is bad also. I think there are lines.
I mean this somewhat sincerely. I think a lot of my decision to leave Christianity was becasue I was deeply unhappy. If I were in this space I would be searching for a way out.
The kind of quotes that upset my progressive friend, when discussing Hanania “How should we behave towards him? I don’t have strong views on him attending events, but I don’t want him celebrated. What has he done worth celebrating?”
I don't think this is what free speech is
Carlsmith calls the rebellion against this “deep atheism”. I think the conflict he describes is real. Religion is often about submission. My Christianity was. Islam literally means “submission [to God]”
And it still might be! Trump is high variance. His term might be very good or very bad.
Also the Islamists who have sent her death threats can take a long jump off a tall building.